I CAN'T play (for Greenmount) this weekend and it's just as well because I don't think I could face the prospect of getting out for a duck three matches in a row.

After falling to a first-ball duck the previous match I cost the lads victory on Saturday, lasting just two balls this time.

We only needed one run to draw with Denton St Lawrence and I couldn't even manage that.

Gutted is not the word.

When I do return to the dressing room, I will be keeping my mouth shut, that's for sure.

For a long time now I have given the batsmen among us plenty of stick whenever they have gotten out cheaply or thrown their wicket away.

I often like to remind them that I have two Bolton League trophies for my batting – I think one for hitting the fastest 50 and another for scoring the most sixes in a season, or something like that.

Anyway, I think I will be giving the banter a miss for a while and concentrate on bowling my medium pacers.

It is a nightmare coming in at number 11 because so often the result can depend on you.

In a way, I would prefer coming in at number 10 and let someone else get it in the neck.

People will tell you that it's not your fault, the batters should have scored more runs.

That might be true – it certainly was on a Saturday when we were cruising before chucking it all away – but it doesn't make it any easier for me to deal with.

I am still gutted now writing this.

We should have won and I feel responsible, and I am pretty sure most number 11 batsmen will tell you the same.

You replay every shot – even if it's only one – over and over in your mind.

I tried to block the ball and play myself in when I should have just smashed it.

You can't escape that feeling that you have let everyone else down, but I would prefer to be like that, and take every defeat hard. It would be more worrying if I didn't care.

The trick is to try to use that frustration and turn it around. If you can't forget about it and move on then just remember what it felt like, to let the lads down, and try to make sure it doesn't happen again.