'I could not see a way out' — dad-of-three's journey of recovery

It was the combined pressures of work, financial debt and having young children which Dan Lilley-Blackman believes led him to make two attempts on his life in the space of nine months.

But the struggles he faced were met with "poor support" and a "dissatisfying response" from overstretched professional health services, the 28-year-old said.

Instead, it was being a part of a community, having a loving family and supportive friends at a local football group, which helped him to find a purpose again.

"There is too much focus on dealing with mental health", Dan said. "There is a lot of focus on what we should do once a person is admitted to hospital but not enough conversation about what to do before a person even goes to a GP, and how we prevent it.

"In January 2018, my life came to a head. Pressures were increasing from home life, work life; we had just had our third child, I had a stressful job in hospitality where I was working long hours. It was really really hard to manage life.

"I had a bet which led to a series of unfortunate events. I could not see a way out."

Dan was taken to A&E where he saw a mental health practitioner.

"My first contact was not very positive", he said. "I was told I needed to go home and Google it."

Dan was assessed by home treatment teams, referred to NHS therapy services, put on long waiting lists, seen by counsellors, and sent to meetings, to name a few.

"The most dissatisfying thing was the lack of time people had for you", he said. "The input often comes from a pressured environment.

"This cycle just seemed to repeat itself and then it got worse."

After a second attempt on his life in September 2018, Dan was admitted to the Irwell unit at Fairfield General Hospital for nine days — his only admission to a mental health ward.

"The dawning realisation for me was that it was something I would have to do myself", he said. "There is not a magic service that exists."

In October 2018, the home treatment service referred Dan to RammyMen — a volunteer-led non-profit group which runs activities in Ramsbottom, with an eye on mental health and reducing suicide risk in men.

At the time, Dan was unemployed, so the idea of joining a singing group gave him something to look forward to and plan his week around.

He also began attending football sessions at Bury College, run by Street Soccer Academy, which helped to build his confidence.

In January, Dan set up a football group, RammyMen FC, which now attracts between 120 and 130 men across two nights, an over 35s team and an over 50s team. He has also launched a walking group.

"In my eyes this group fills a gap that is not being met by any other service provided by the government", he said.

"I found like-minded people who understood how I was feeling. There are a lot more people struggling than people think.

"I am really really fortunate that I have an incredible family but there are people who do not. This group provides the right things for a lot of blokes — playing football or getting involved in another activity, going for a curry, chatting together. In that environment, hopefully people feel secure to open up about how they are doing.

"It is no good waiting for someone to create a service that you need. It is difficult to get out there and begin engaging in things — it was not an easy decision to join a singing group — but it is so rewarding when you do. People have to overcome barriers and go for it."

Dan has now set up his own football company, Love Football, which aims to promote positive and physical wellbeing through a shared enjoyment of the sport.

A new session is due to be launched in Bolton in January, with the intention to establish them in Bury, Prestwich and other areas.

Dan's wife Lucy said: "What Dan has achieved in his recovery is completely down to him.

"He has worked incredibly hard every step of the way, with very little professional support.

"He is incredible. Over the last 18 months, he has taken the time to learn about who he truly is and be respectful and kind to himself, the way he has always been to everyone around him.

"This is reflected in the wonderful work he has done with RammyMen, not only to help himself but to help many others in similar positions. The transformation is more than we could have ever hoped for, and whilst there has been some truly difficult times, he is achieving great things and is the most amazing husband and father.

"To anyone else who may be in a similar position, I would say that the journey may be tough on you all but my best piece of advice would be to keep fighting for your loved one when they are unable to do so for themselves, realise that you are not responsible and you are not there to save them but to support them and love them even when they don't love themselves and things will get easier eventually."

To find out more visit rammymen.org or www.love-football.org.

What is being done to help?

AS part of a local strategy to reduce suicide in Bury, new training is being rolled out to increase awareness and improve prevention.

GPs, professionals, organisations and groups supporting the most vulnerable will be able to access this package, which was launched in September.

The work has been commissioned by Bury Council and is being implemented by local charities Bury Samaritans, BIG in Mental Health, ADAB, Creative Living and Early Break, over the next two years.

On average, there are 18 suicides in Bury every year — more than three-quarters of them men. Levels have remained at around that figure for the last 10 years. Although overall rates in Greater Manchester have been rising since 2002.

Mental health challenges can affect anyone at any time but people with drug or alcohol problems and mental health conditions are at increased risk of feeling suicidal.

The local strategy priorities include: reducing the risk in men, prevention and responding to self-harm, children, young people and women during pregnancy and postnatally, treating depression, acute mental health care settings, reducing isolation and loneliness, and bereavement support.

This approach is reviewed each year and is aligned with the guidelines set regionally in the Greater Manchester Suicide Prevention Strategy 2017-2022.

Last month, Bury Council joined charities and support groups in sharing the simple message, “It’s good to talk, and we can help”, to mark World Suicide Awareness Day.

Nationally, there were 6,507 suicides recorded in 2018, with that number having risen by 11 per cent on the previous year.

Social isolation, job loss and financial problems can also contribute to the problem.

In August 2016, the Bury Suicide Prevention Group was founded to help improve partnership working between Bury Council and third sector agencies to help those who are most at risk.

Chris Mills was appointed as the new director of Bury Samaritans in July, after volunteering with the charity since 2012.

Among its work, the group provides support for vulnerable people via a telephone line. But rather than giving advice, volunteers are trained to listen and to signpost people to organisations with specialist knowledge and training.

Ms Mills said: “I am proud to be part of our amazing Bury and Samaritan teams working together to ‘make a difference’. It’s incredibly satisfying knowing we are helping people who are in despair.”

Pennine Care NHS Foundation Trust provides mental health services for children and adults in Bury.

Matt Walsh, patient safety lead at Pennine Care, said: “We support the Greater Manchester Shining a Light on Suicide campaign and work closely with our partners such as Bury Council, the Samaritans and Andy’s Man Club to prevent suicides in Bury.

“Across all our services we work very hard to support people who have suicidal thoughts to recover. If you, or someone you care about, is thinking about suicide there is support available via your GP. If you think someone poses an immediate risk to themselves or others the safest place for them is your local A&E and where they will be able to offer specialist support.”