ROW: Off to full council for the annual shenanigans called the budget debate.

The gallery was packed with candidates in the forthcoming elections, here to get a flavour of life in the political hothouse. Even Ivan Lewis came, throwing in his tuppence-worth from the front row.

None of it helped, of course: the debate was the usual shambles. Old hands may have detected a touch of sarcasm in the Rector's prayers when he called on the debate to "generate more light than heat" and, what's more, for everyone to love one another.

Finance chief Mike Connolly likened himself to a famous juggler, for his skill in keeping all the balls in the air. It didn't impress the Tories. "You've dropped one!" shouted Sam Cohen, while Peter Redstone compared Mike and Wayne Campbell to Laurel and Hardy.

It didn't stop Mike. "Old folks homes, primary schools, secondary schools, each of these has one thing in common: they opposed those decisions which, over time, will lead to better, more efficient services." Some might think this brave, especially ten weeks before an election. The Tories could have pointed out the parallel universe aspect of this argument. If everything's so rosy, how come things are so bad? But no. They decided not to mention the budget at all, but give Labour a good kicking. After ten minutes of this, Peter Redstone announced: "Tonight, Mr Mayor, is not a time for a political charade," which drew gales of derision. "I congratulate Coun Redstone for his chutzpah," said Derek Boden, "or in plain English, his plain cheek."

Wayne Campbell was getting fed up with the Tory leadership. "It's true what they say never work with children, animals, or Bob Bibby," he said.

Some had had enough already. Sheila Magnall stormed out, while Dorothy Gunther snapped "Turn your hearing aid up then!" at Siobhan Costello, who misheard something.

John Byrne was back to his diplomatic best, accusing the Tories of "a load of guff" and telling an unflattering story about Bib Bibby at St Bede's social club, which included the words "pompous and "little man". "They're devoid of intellect and talent," he said.

At last, Roy Walker. "I feel as if I have wasted my life here this year," he mumbled. "Does Coun Connolly stand by the comments he made at the area board, when he said we were being shafted by the Labour Government?" What to say, with Ivan looking on? "It was a frivolous, throwaway line in response to a question from the BNP," stammered Mike.

The mayor wasn't happy. "I'm asking you no, I'm telling you not to interrupt," he ordered the Tory benches.

On the press benches, someone whispered: "Some of these should be on the stage." To which one could only reply: "They are."

PS: Last week's eBay sale of Bury raised £1.27. Bought by a punter from Bolton.